Hero
by Marauder-In-Disguise
Summary: Tom Paris' thoughts during the episode 'Nemesis'. Why was he so keen to be the one to rescue Chakotay?


**A/N: This came about after watching the episode Nemesis. Just tell me what you ****think; it wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it!! **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, Paramount are the almighty overlords of all things Trek...**

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_As you get older it is harder to have heroes, but it is sort of necessary._

Ernest Hemingway

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I can't believe he's done it again. Give the man a shuttlecraft and he will find someplace to crash it. God only knows how his Maquis pile of junk lasted as long as it did, with him at the helm. I'm surprised Tuvok didn't come back to Voyager having had a nervous breakdown from the sheer terror of having been on a ship that Chakotay was in charge of.

And, to cap it all off, he's gone and got himself stranded in the middle of a war zone and been captured by the wrong side. I can see it now – he's probably down there trying to talk them all out of a battle, giving them the cold hard facts. For a man who was a freedom fighter, he's not nearly so keen to shoot people as I thought he would be. Not that that's such a bad thing, I suppose.

We're just sat up here twiddling our thumbs, like we have been for the last couple of days, waiting for Tuvok to get back with the commander. The captain and old Tuvok have been in negotiations with the 'good guys' or so they are calling themselves. I don't really trust all this good and bad guy stuff – the way I see it, if you give _anyone_ the choice, they will call themselves the 'good guys'. It's not up to me though. It never is. If it was, I would probably have almost given up on him by now; paid my respects, held the memorial service and been on my way. That will never happen though, not under this captain. She pretends to be all up on Starfleet protocol and that she understands the notion that we shouldn't sacrifice the whole crew for one person, but in reality she would never leave a man behind. Especially him.

I've been feeling so...useless and oddly restless. The big guy is no friend of mine, and he probably never will be, but I've found myself becoming more and more eager to get down there and save his ass. I'm stuck on the bridge of a ship that isn't even moving, taking command of some of the most boring shifts I have ever had the misfortune of being on duty for. I'm trying to convince myself that's its boredom driving me, and the idea that even the middle of a war zone would be preferable to this mind melting dullness, but I know that something else was pushing me when I told the captain I would go down and fetch Chakotay. Weirdly, I find myself _wanting_ to rescue him. I want more than anything to get down there, stun a few aliens and bring him back to the ship and I don't even _like_ the man that much.

I've been gently toying with the idea in my head, turning it this way and that, trying to work out exactly what tricks my mind is trying to play on me. I tried talking to Harry about it but he didn't really help. He's still convinced by the strength of comradeship that the Academy pounds into you. He thinks that I want to rescue Chakotay because, deep down, I really do care for him.

Whatever.

I owe Chakotay nothing.

Unless...it's not what I owe him. It's what I owe the captain. I want to save him for her. Captain Kathryn Janeway saved my life when she plucked me from that prison camp and put me back behind the controls of a ship. God knows what would have happened to me if she hadn't done that. I'd probably be dead by now. I would do anything for that woman, get her anything she needed. And right now, she needs him.

They think that we don't know what's going on. The two of them are a bit naive in that sense – even Tuvok knows, for crying out loud. When the big guy and his rag tag crew first came on board, I was eager to protect the captain from them. To be honest, it scared the hell out of me; I was on edge for months, convinced that at any moment the Maquis were going to pull out guns and shoot us all down. It was only because the captain trusted them so much that I was finally able to let go.

Then things began to change. The first time I knew what was happening, I saw Chakotay give the captain the look that my father used to give my mother. I knew they were both doomed from that moment. After that, it was easy to pick up little things. I would sit on the bridge and strain my ears to hear what they were talking about, catch the glances in staff meetings, note the unrest that flowed from both of them when the other was on an away mission. The day that Chakotay took a shuttle and went after Seska, I thought the captain would have a stroke.

I don't want to know the exact details of their private lives but I know enough. They haven't touched each other. The tension is just too much. I can hear Chakotay's heart pounding every time the captain stands too close to him and I can see the slightly glazed look she gets every time he smiles at her. They are so in love, it's almost painful to watch.

And now the idiot has got himself stranded on the planet below us and the captain has barely slept since. I'm not sure how long she would last if he got himself killed. I know that I don't want to beam down to that planet and drag his sorry ass back to this ship because of the value of _his_ life. The captain saved my life, and if rescuing Chakotay would save her in return, I would risk a million aliens with guns pointing at my head to do it.


End file.
